Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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