I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
So many bounce houses so little time
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
