false alarm. still invincible.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
