if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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