WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
