i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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