what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
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