I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
she smelled like a LAN party
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
