I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
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