Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
