I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
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i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
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