Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
