I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
