my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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