i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
