I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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