They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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