Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
