cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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