We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
