My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
