we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
He? As in you personified your dick?
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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