i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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