I'm eating all of the evidence.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor