he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over