i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
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So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
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she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.