please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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