no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
These 23 People Share the Worst Advice They’ve Been Given
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.