my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat