Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.