Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
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I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
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Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
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