You're completely useless in the revolution.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
