Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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