guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
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