it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
