how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
