Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
