90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
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