it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
