I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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