The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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