My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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