I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
