I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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