she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
