Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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