i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
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I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
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Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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