So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
operation harelip BJ is a go
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize
