She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Dear god my vagina.
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