I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Randomize
