I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Every concussion has its silver lining
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
