The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
