Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
