He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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