Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
