I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
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Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
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Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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