You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
