i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
