I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
are you so shy because you have an std?
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
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