everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
smell my finger.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
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