I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
tonight lets celebrate not being married
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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