We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
