no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
